rejection and butterflies in a cold haze
I realize that its always hard for me to take rejection, or the fade of communication – the passive rejection. No matter the situation.
The more I reflected on the outing with the guy yesterday the more reasons I found that would mean a romantic relationship couldnt work. The height for one… however much I hate being someone who has physical standards, because I tend to think I am very open to different folks. Well someone over a foot shorter than me is just too hard. Its fine as friends, I’ve had friends that much shorter than me. But a lover, I end up feeling like a giant and much more awkward and conscious of my body.
Yet when he sent me a message asking how i thought our mini date went. I said I had fun and would be up for meeting up again if he was. Since then I have heard nothing. Which maybe is his way of communicating that it wouldn’t work for him either and he didnt know how to say it.
I guess I wanted to see him again in hopes that it could be a friendship. just maybe?
A reminder that standards are ok. Or knowing what will and wont work for you is ok. Its ok for me to want that excitement of a fluttering heart and a churning stomach around a new date…
Perhaps his brief attention helped give me a bit more confidence for running into my neighbor again.
My neighbors number is burning a hole in my pocket. I wanted to wait until this afternoon and then send her a message asking about having a drink on her next day off. When I saw her last night she just happened to be carrying a copy of Borderlands by Gloria Anzaldua… Which only makes my nerdy heart crush even more.
I am trying to be gutsy and suave even as I am still in the haze of this cold. And as always happens with the bigger butterflies, bigger insecurities.
